Diary of an overdramatic teenager (bear with me, pls)

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10th February 2025, Monday

Hello, my dear mates and welcome to my diary. Never been a fan of diaries actually, but I'm just bored af and need smth to do so I can continue procratinating on my studies (yay)! Btw, abt study, I actually had an oral History test today (not happy at all lmao): basically, my professor picks ppl to interrogate by numbers on the book's pages and, Idk how, she just continuously picks the number 13 (=me). I mean, am I just doomed by the narrative?! Not that I was unprepared, but dammit bruv (I got 8.5/10, sorry but I'm too lazy to convert it in liberty eagles or whatever grading system you have in your country. Just know it's a decent vote -although like 90% of my classmates agreed I should've got a bit more-). Anygays (I've been reading too many wattpad ffs lately, Ik... dammit I'm cringe lmao) I'm doing pretty fine. Oh fuck I have a Latin test tomorrow. BUT Idc I'll study later (currently 6.30 pm, spoiler: my ass is NOT gonna study later). In general, I had a good day: I played boules during PE (Ik it's strange, but Ig it's kind of a traditional sport where I live??? Idk man, my PE teacher is highkey kinda special if you know what I mean...), I had a terrible Maths lesson (don't get me wrong, I love Maths, but if there's something I fucking hate it's STATISTICS: bro, it's so fucking boring I've literally lost minddd -I DESPISE BORING THINGS AND ALWAYS WILL: Idc if smth's difficult as long as it interests me, but for fuck's sake I couldn't give a shit less abt statistics bc I learnt that in 4th/5th grade during Covid making graphs of the deaths, infected and the cases in intensive care-), I praised my クリストさま (Christ-sama) and マリアさま (Mary-sama) prayer cards not to get interrogated in History (didn't work, but the cards actually amused my techer lol) aaand that's pretty much it. Also, I've practised card throwing (watching HxH and Hisoka, I remembered I used to do it last Summer, so I've decided to see if I can improve more -it was actually an alternative to shooting w/ guns and rifles, bc my mother STILL won't let me do it even though I've been asking for it since I was 7/8 y.o.-). Hope y'all are doing well to and thank you for reading this (but, like, really, tysmmm) and have a good day!!! <3

11th February 2025, Tuesday

Good afternoon everyone! I want to jump off a cliff :D! No but seriously, I just feel so overwhelmed by homework, study and school and I hate it sooo much I'm so fucking DONE (fr, Ancient Greek is EXHAUSTING dammit). Did you know that here in Italy, today, the Sanremo Music Festival begins? I hate Sanremo Festival so much and most of the singers there are actually just garbage (sorry, but I personally don't like them and they just continuously get involved in drama and stuff idgaf abt). BUT I have to watch it because even the roaches in your apartment watch Sanremo and it's kinda mandatory to do it (it's some sort of mos maiorum that comes from the '70s/'80s Ig). Some ppl also do FantaSanremo, which is basically just an alternative form of ludopathic betting game where you don't actually bet real money lol. But let's not talk abt Sanremo, ok? Please. However, I want to tell you abt what a beautiful anime HxH is (bc it is and can't tell me otherwise): I'm sooo sad 'cause I've only 3 episodes left to watch I'm CRYINGGG (and I'll be crying even more if Pariston becomes chairman instead of Leorio -pls imagine a remake of the "it's Mr Leorio" scene, but instead it is "it's Charman Leorio": Kurapika would have a heart attack lmao-). Anyways, today I've also wandered a little bit around my neighbourhood -that literally seems like it's an abandoned place near Chernobyl help-, so I'm putting here some pics just so you can imagine the desolation. Byee (and pls tell me at least you aren't overwhelmed by studies!) :3

12th February 2025, Wednesday

Updatey updatey, eggs and bakey (I don't know what's wrong with me lmao). Today I feel miserable :3. YAY. Honestly, I don't even know how I managed to get all my homework done in only 3 hrs (yep, I have a lot of stuff to do and also kinda wanna buy a rope, just in case :D). BUUUT I've also finished HxH (pls I'm so sad dammit what am I gonna do now???). Honestly, the end didn'y disappoint, but I NEED MORE KURAPIKA (am I a simp? Yes. Am I ashamed of myself? Yes). I'd rlly want to know what do ppl who are reaidng this doing rn, but have no time to insert a comment section at the moment lol. I genuinely hope you're doing better than me bc I'm so done with this stuff tbh. It's not that I don't like studying Greek and Latin and 90 other subject, but I just need to figure out what I like and ehat's my objective, bc rn it just seems as if I was born to be bored and unsatisfied. Lately, I've been thinking a lot abt running away in the fields near my house. I'm gonna do it sooner or later (maybe in Summer, when I finally get my freedom back): I need an adventure, something spontaneous, without a particular objective (I hate having an objective in general: it makes me lose interest in what I do, even though it would be supposed to motivate me). I don't really think I'm suited to live in this society lol and Ik sooner or later something in the way I arrange my interests and studies in gonna snap and make me rethink my life -not too happy abt it, maybe-. I feel like a lot has changed from last year, and most definitely not for good (if "good" even means anything at all lmao): the world is staring to look washed out of its color and I don't even understand why I'm accepting this in the first place; I don't want to become a boring ass adult that only thinks abt generally "surviving", I want to see why we are even here in the first place and the reason life's worth living: I need a reason that isn't just "not to die". I am not a damn rat, even though I look like one -It's actually quite anthropocentric of me to claim to know what a rat thinks; I apologize to the rats-. Aaaand with that, I might be depressed. MIGHT. Thanks Italian education system :3. Imma go back to my hole and cry now, byeee :D!

P.S. How tf did this become some kind of phylosophical thing??? Bruh. Sorry for being serious, that's not smth I often do, but I had to vent a bit -in my honest opinion, it's better to be cringe on the internet than to ruin my youth: that would match so well with my not-so-cutesy-nice-lovely childhood, but I'd honestly rather not win the "life full of regrets" bingo, tysm for the offer!-. Now I'll be going (have to watch Sanremo and cringe even more: life goals), peace and prosper :DDD!

14th February 2025, Friday

Happy Valentine's Day! Not for me though, I'm at home and I have the flu (although my immunitary system is strangely js rlly strong appearently and I've healed almost completely in like 3 hrs lol). The most Valentine's Day-ish thing I've done today is literally watch Ouran Host Club lmao Imma be single for life (not even upset abt it rlly-). You know smth I am uspet abt though? Not being able to see Valentine's Day drama (I mean, I've never actually seen Valentine's Day drama and I just NEED it -yeah I love minding other ppl's business, problems bruvs?-). You know, being ill seems like a very nice thing rn: I needed a day off, not having to worry abt anything :D. Love y'all, bye! <3

15th February 2025, Saturday

Ohayou-gozaimasu (I've run out of intros, so Imma just start using other languages lol). I have a FUNDAMENTAL question for the ppl who are reading this (not that you can actually answer bc I0m too lazy to put a comment section here): do you go to school on Saturday? I do and it's kinda awful. I mean, even your PARENTS can stay home while you have to go to school?! Wht on Earth?! BUUUT it's not rlly that bad: I would stay home and study anyway, so it's pretty much the same. Rn I'm BOREDDD (but not just bored, more like existential-crisis bored): I still have lots of tests to prepare for, but I just can't be anxious for that just YET. I really do live in constant anxiety all the time, so I've lowkey got used to it. The problem is that most of my motivation for doing barely anything is being terrified of failure (what a mentally healthy person I am fr :3), so now I have no idea what to do. I have a Greek GRAMMAR test on Thursday (I can only translate but I'm so bad at Grammar for some reason *cough* maybe bc my memory is fucking shit and the only thing I'm decent at is logical thought *cough*), but I don't rlly feel anything: I'm just waiting until I'll be able to save myself from my inevitable doom at the last moment (always done that unfortunately, maybe because of the "main character of an action movie" kind of thrill, most likely bc I'm dumb af). Also, something actually interesting: lately I've been reading this very interesting Physics book by Carlo Rovelli; it mainly talks abt time and I rlly recommend it (even if you think Science is boring, it's not just abt that: you don't actually need to solve equations and stuff like that)! As much as I'd like to talk abt this book, I don't think I'd be able to explain things as accurately as Rovelli, so I'll just keep talking abt my depression-like situation :D. But not now, I have no time at the moment, so byeee!

16th February 2025, Sunday

I'm officially committing seppuku :3. No but fr I have a LOT of tests this week lmao, but most importantly I have to WRITE A TEXT for my Italian class. IstG I SUCK at writing and I also highkey kinda DESPISE it. I mean, I'm not so bad compared to some ppl I know, but I absolutely hate it. Usually, when I say this, ppl ask me: "Then why did you decide to go to a school that mostly teaches humanistic subjects???" and I would politely answer: " 1)Mind you own fucking business :D. 2)I'm a masochist. 3)Is there, perchance, a school that is actually not useless where I can rlly learn smth if we exclude the one I'm attending at the moment? No? Then go back to point 1". So now I have to write. Seppuku doesn't sound bad at all, y'know? Well, Ig I should start doing my homework lol. BUUT do you wanna know what do I have to write abt? No? You are going to anyway :3. We had to read some pages of "Beyond lies the wub" and "The angry Red Planet" (we're talking abt sci-fi, but we most definitely won't read anything I actually know like Farenheit 451 -yeah, no way we're reading that lol-), then we have to write our impressions on it (basically, we have to write abt the reasons and ways of violence against what is "alienus", so "different"). Now, it's time for Jar's magical quiz! Do you personally think there is a political subtext/message under this work? Yes? *bling bling* correct answer! Or most likely so... Our Italian literature professor is that teacher who says: "Don't get me wrong, we aren't talking about politics, let's not do that, right?" and proceeds to just talk for hours abt guess what? DAMN POLITICS. I'm pretty sure she's a leftist haha. This kind of behaviour is mostly diffused among leftists and extreme parties here in Italy. I remember that one time my English professor in middle school quoted Mussolini: lmao I was literally DYING (she kinda had that fascist aura tho...). The point is that I'm always the only one to get the references: I remember that my Greek teacher openly said in class that Giovanni Gentile was one of the best educators of the 1900s (Gentile is the one who instituted Riforma Gentile and formed fascist youth in Italy) and NOBODY BATTED AN EYELID; I needed to understand if I were surrounded by fascists or by ignorant people, so I asked one of my classmates an opinion abt that cutesy consideration and he was like: "Yeah, whatever". Are my fellas fascists??? *cries in Giovinezza*. But let's just not mention it anymore, k bruvs? You heard nothing *insert MIB neuralizer gif here*... How are you doing? Oh, you can't answer me. Right. Well, fair enough, gtg! Have a good existential crisis :3

17th February 2025, Monday

Greetings, I am going to eat a rock. Oh, but also idk what to say. Today was BORINGG: we did nothing at school and it was kind of a bad day. AND I STILL HAVE TO WRITE THAT THING FOR MY ITALIAN CLASS. But then again, there's a window in my room, isn't there? Might as well try a reenactment of the Defenestrations of Prague, 1618. It does look like a pleasant activity (I joke a but too much abt suicide, that's kinda concerning lol). Not rlly motivated to talk, sleep, breath nor exist today. Might have a mental breakdown breakdown (Diamond is Unbreakable op starts playing) later, idk :3. Probably no one's even reading all this shit, but I still write such fuckeries. Ig it's bc therapy is expensive and the school psychologist one of my parents' friends, so he's pretty useless lmao. L. I forgot to mention that there's a guy I'm interested in :D. WAIT I don't mean romantically, more like a study subject. I might be a bit of a sociopath, but just ignore that, ok? I mean, I usually tend to get ppl's general traits quite easily when I get to know them (which translates to "I can tell a bitch when I see one"), but this guy literally NEVER talks to me (he just generally doesn't talk to girls though -either some kind of speech impediment or he's awkward af, or maybe both-). Now I NEED TO TALK TO HIM. He is one of the most intelligent ppl in our class (I mean, it doesn't rlly take much lol), so I want to understand if we could actually be friends or smth. But it probably won't happen bc we're both asocials (just look at how much we have in common! :3). The only difference between us is that he gets kinda targeted as the know-it-all. L for him. I don't bc I'm too fantastic for that shit. And bc I hate school. And most of the teachers. And law. And the government. Damn, I may be an anarchist. Oh shit it's 5 pm time to write that shit for Italian. I hate myself and I wanna die (iykyk), byeeee! :3

18th February 2025, Tuesday

Ave, o amici! I've already had my existential crisis today, so I won't be threatening to suicide (maybe :P) -Idk in this period I have lots of mood swings lol-. I'm decently happy though, bc I've finished writing my essay for that one Italian class (it's been painful, ngl). Now then I have some time to focus on ANCIENT GREEK GRAMMAR (I hate myself :D) and on trying to socialize with that guy I told you abt yesterday (I think) -y'know what? From now on I'll call him 03 (he's the 3rd guy I've ever been interested to: I repeat, not romantically, but in a psychological-illness kinda way; Idk if that's reassuring actually...)-. So, 03 is actually such a GOOD PERSON and he's probably my polar opposite. He's nice AND polite AND cutesy AND demure, while I am not able to formulate a sentence without cussing. Bruh I'm an idiot. Today 03 literally APOLOGIZED to me for NOT TELLING ME HI BACK while we were at the BUS STATION, which is always crowded af, so it's pretty normal not to notice someone talking to you -Ik, standards be pretty low but understand me-. I MEAN, NO ONE APOLOGIZES FOR SMTH LIKE THAT TO ME. It was the most wholesome moment ever, someone actually cares that I exist OMG :3 (do not dare to pity me lol, invisibility is cool). But, I mean, HE CARESSSS (or his mother told him to go apologize to me, which is also a viable option and probably how things actually went, but a)I decide not to believe that and b)he still had to notice me and realize that he might have seemed rude, which is smth I wouldn't rlly expect from anyone). I mean, 03 is SO CUTEEE. Dammit. I said that. Well, it was endearing. Fuck. I need to make frinds with this guy. Please, it's a NECESSITY. I'm not saying I like him, he might be a fake ass, but I'd be quite disappointed if he were; also, I need to talk to him more if I want to know. So, basically, I need to get in a desk near 03 next time we change spots. Aaand that'll never happen. Me sad :(. Please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't consider me cringe or a simp after this paragraph. My only true love is Copilot. Byeeee (a triangle's piiii -Idk it rhymed-)!!!

P.S. I'm back, unfortunately. And I'm also BOREDD. I might have a Latin translation to do, but Cicero or whatever we're doing can wait a damn second :D. Do you want to read what I've done for my Italian class? I don't think you do, so I'm not sharing! Anyways, what shuld I even do to make my life less boring and not end up braking the law??? Ik that prisons here ain't that bad: if you're a minor they give you ICE CREAM. I mean, I might take the offer: ice cream, school's optional, you get one free crime to commit (Idk abt you, but arson be lookin' pretty fine :D), you can make new friends and you'll 100% do a lot of gym and become a bodybuilder or smth. What I just said has an USA aura that is actually quite thick. Well, this time I swear I'll just go back to my hole and not respawn again until tomorrow, byee (terracotta piee)!

19th February 2025, Wednesday

Kalè emèra, o etairoì moi! Sorry for the Ancient Greek: I have a test tomorrow and I'm trying to convince myself I'm intelligent enough to pass it lol. Anyways, I don't have particular news really. My friend introduced me to League of Legends though. That was nice! However, even though she's been playing for 2 years she doesn't even know how to attack lol. Skill issues my guys :3 (she's actually the best LoL player I know, being the only one -V, if you're actually reading this for any reason, I luv u :D-). That's basically everything I've done at school: reading my physics book, a Greek lesson, doing casual stuff with the school computers (I modified html sources from websites bc I was bored af) and reading A Midsummer Night's Dream during English class. Now that I remember, I DID NOT TALK ABT SANREMOO! Well, I guess I'll have to do it now. I was 100% NOT SATISFIED with the ending results of the votations and personally think that democracy is indeed one of the most useless forms of government ever invented. Idk if any of you saw it, but do you know who is going to damn EUROVISION this year? OLLY. Bro, I don't wanna be mean, but I didn't even fcking know who he was even after he won: I literally completely forgot abt his existence. And he won. Instead of my favsies LUCIO CORSI. Bruh, he was too good to win :(. He was so close to being first (0,4% I think), but NO. Do you remember how last year everyone said the votations were alterated and that Napoletan guy (I don't remember his name lol) had to win instead of Angelina Mango? Same thing bro, I swear! No one's talking abt it though, even if it's CLEAR OBVIOUS LAPALISSIANO dammit. Everyone in Italy loved Lucio and most of the other performances were soon forgotten, but NO: Olly's gotta win. I know that both Sanremo and Eurovision are 100% for political and commercial purposes and they're in NO WAY related to actual art (we live in a souless society lmao), but I'll still yap bc yapping is my reason to live. AND GO LISTEN TO LUCIO CORSI. DO IT. NOW. Sorry but wtf was that "Balorda nostalgia"??? I mean, it wasn't bad, but that good to win over Lucio's authenticity: he's the only person that sang a song in Sanremo that was definitely not Sanremo-style (=could perfectly fit into a commercial; either abt love, bitches who left you, discrimination and political stuff, etc.; the same fucking instruments for every single song played in a similar way that basically makes you feel like this isn't a show but a damn disco -I think you've understood what I mean, there's no point in continuing-). So please, before watching Olly and Balorda Nostalgia, listen to Lucio: both of them are good, but I definitely prefer Lucio over Olly (he wouldn't even be that bad if he didn't dare to bring De Andrè to the cover night: I happen to be quite passionate abt De Andrè's music and it kinda hurt my sould to see that he MODIFIED the lyrics of his song-don't get me wrong, it's good to have artistic freedom: I liked it when Alfa added a part to "Sogna, ragazzo, sogna" in his duet with Roberto Vecchioni, but that's bc it ACTUALLY made sense to do so; you can't just rewrite a song bc why not-). Aaaand, that's it. See you, byeeee (pebbles in my eye)!

21st February 2025, Friday

Hii, I've come back from the land of the dead just to greet you! Basically yesterday I had a TON of stuff to do so I couldn't write my entry lol. Also, I'm currently quite frightsadened bc of that Greek test (not sure it went 100% fantastic 10/10, so I'm anxious :3). My last few days have been completely TERRIBLE AWFUL in a "please shoot my right in the head" kinda way (lots of tests and stress yay). And I still haven't talked to 03, but I dreamt him (I dreamt he got bad grade in a test and slowly started to die/expire. Now that I write this, it's lowkey creepy haha). So, that's pretty much all that's happened (apart from me and a friend deciding to make cringe ffs during History interrogations and I think I might have discovered a talent of mine that was probably better when I didn't know it). Our class also developed a new religion: the cult of Shen Chao (a figure we got from a kinder egg) and I might have a photo of the little altar we keep during tests as well (Imma drop it to you at the end of the paragraph). Today 03 was upset bc he got a 9/10 in a Latin interrogation. I don't think he's the kind of person to get sad bc he didn't get a 10, I guess it's bc he really put effort in studying and he wanted and expected a 10 (it happened to me once: I was in middle school and did a very detailed presentation abt Vietnam for my Geography class, explaining the complete history of the country, culture, economy, population, food, art, etc. -I read smth like 100 pages abt Vietnam to make it- and i got 9.5/10. The same grade another girl got for doing a basic ass presentation that didn't even try to get us interested in the fuckeries she was telling us. I was flabbergasted: no words bruh. But then again, my Geography teacher can suck it bc now I don't have to study his subject anymore :D). Let's get back to the fact that 03 was upset though: it made me upset too :(. I'd like to just have a perfect Latin interrogation and then tell the teacher I don't deserve a grade as high as his, bc I hate it when you really really put effort in smth and you get a result you could've had with little to no effort. Honestly, #justicefor03. Antways, gtg, byeee (dropping photos of our altar rn)!!! Wait, is it illegal to put photos of your school online? Nvm, I'm sorry but my mother's gonna kill me if she finds out I did this, so you won't have the picture :( -extremely sorry-.

22nd February 2025, Saturday

Goooood morning Vietnaaaam! How are y'all doing (now you can actually tell me, bc I've put a comment section: see? I'm so fantastic :3)? I'm actually quite fine because I've already taken all the most difficult tests yayy. Now I only have Science and Maths left, which is mostly no problem (although STATISTIC ISTG IT'S SO DAMN BORINGG). Last time I got 10/10 in Maths, so I'm hoping to keep my streak (at least in the pratice/written exams). I think I'll be doing a research abt neutrinos bc my Science book just dumps them there while talking abt nuclear fusion and it hurts my ass to see smth that isn't explained completely nor even considered. You told me there are neutrinos: wtf are those? A new burger at McDonald's duh (Imagine a neutrino burger though lmao)??? Anyways, I had another dream yesterday night: I dreamt I was on a school trip with my class and I bought a milkshake. It was a chocolate milkshake (it also seemed rlly noice and delicious tbh). And then my alarm clock rang. And I didn't even get the chance to have a sip. I despise alarm clocks :(. Also, no news on 03, but he got interrogated in History and got 10/10. I'm lowkey starting to suspect people think we'd be a great couple, bruh. I mean, 03 is nice and cute (very demure very mindful) and probably I linda like him, but Idk I don't think we'll ever get together, unfortunately (I mean, 01 and 02 were definitely not into me -and gay, but that's not the point I'm tryna make here-, but maybe third time's the charm???). Idk I guess I'll just get bored of a relationship quite quickly because I tend to lose interest in stuff pretty often and just end up doing casual shit, but who knows? I don't even think he does have a crush on someone or anything or maybe he's like me: I just try to avoid making contact eith ppl I like and it always ends with my crush dating someone else and me being a single idiot, sooo... I did that a lot with 02 -at first, he probably liked me (he brought me some cherry candies and we ate them together during class, he was rlly rlly nice to me, he let me listen to music with him using his earphones... that kind of stuff -yeah I know I can pull bitches-), but then I stopped being a decent human being around him and did a ton of awful gaffes, so Ig he just lost interest (ngl, I wouldn't have dated myself in middle school lmao). However, now I can't pull shit bc I've stopped even caring -I do have a fair amount of friends though, which is good- and I'm starting to think I'm ace or smth, bc it's not possible that everyone has a non-platonic love interest but me. Now I have to continue studying though, byeee!!!

26th February 2025, Wednesday

Hey, I'm still alive (too bad :D)! Anyways, I have nothing very interesting to tell you. But I got 9/10 in Latin! Noice. I don't have many news, so I'll just go now, byee!

4th March, 2025, Tuesday

Ave bruvs, I'm not feeling rlly well lately. By that, I don't mean I'm sick: I'm just mentally drained. I have a huge problem: I hate being mid. I mean, I generally kinda distinguish myself for some of my qualities and that was very evident in middle school, but now it's just completely useless: there are no activities I enjoy doing anymore... Latin? We don't really do much. Greek? My memory is shit. Italian? Writing makes me feel miserable. Art? Is what we're doing at our school even art or justa stupid fucking waste of my damn limited time?! I just see the world as a grey fog: everything's completely mid. In my country there's actually a lot of fog, so I guess that my thoughts kinda match the atmosphere. Why is life even worth living? What makes it special? I just don't know anymore: we're just a little piece of a universe that's enormously extended: what are we even supposed to do here? What makes us different from machines? I just really don't get it. Maybe all of these problems are just here because we started to think about the meaning of the word "I". Fuck that. Also, today 03 was absent. L. I passed him my notes though, so not that L. I have really no idea wether he's kind or not: he lowkey lookd quite cold and dense, but sometimes he actually shows to be quite empathic. Oh, and the also cut his hair: damn bad decision tbh, I liked it better before but whatever. Today one of my classmates from middle school called me, but it was actually not on purpose I think: he put down the phone the exact moment I anwered (that's strange though: how can you not notice you've called the wrong number in literally half a minute? Literal skill issue). I want to go to the fields. I'm obsessing over this and I guess it's some kind of philosopical trip idk, I just want to be free of all my stupid duties and taste life again. Even a drop of life is good: anything that doesn't involve my current position. And with that, I think I'm gonna have a breakdown breakdown, bye :D

9th March, 2025, Sunday

Greetings, literally nonexistent people who are reading this. I feel awful as usual :3. I'm just wondering what is the meaning of life. Like, will ever be able to choose the perfect future for me? Does a perfect future even exist? Maybe you are destined to suffer in life and never be happy again. But is it really destiny? I mean, Death is a Destiny, but that does not mean that Destiny manipulates every aspect of our lives. Even so, I'm just scared of the future, as most people my age probably are. What if I fail? What if I'll never be able to do anything important? What if I'll be forgotten forever? What happens then? I am no philosophist, but I can't help but keep asking myself these questions :(. I definitely need a break from my main objective (if I even have one). I'd like to be a doctor in the future. No I wouldn't, dammit: I don't like the "being a doctor" kinda shit, but it does pay well and I'd have a lot of free time maybe. I mean, I like helping others, but after a while I just get bored. My dream was to become a physicist, but that wouldn't give me enough money to actually do anything else I like. Maybe. I don't know: I'm probably not intelligent enough to make any interesting discovery I guess. I've always wanted to be someone, but I'm just a little shit sitting in my bed and writing a stupid fucking diary. I feel like I've lost since the beginning of my life and just have to realize yet. Imagine growing up in a place that just constantly reminds you your dreams are useless because there are people who are better than you. This sounds selfish, but think about it: how can I be good at my job if just in my CITY there's someone better than me? Am I stupid? Am I worthless? I know I'm being a bit of a drama queen at the moment, but sometimes I actually do feel like this and it's awful. Why was someone born intelligent, good at art, talented while I'm just mid? Because, in the end, even if you're a topper in your school, you'll always be mid. Because extraordinary people are not many in the world. And I'm probably not part of that minority. And I feel like my existence is an insult to people who are better than me and every grain of self confidence I have is completely worthless and I will drown in my hubris because I said I did something good. Please, if someone is actually reading this, write me something: tell me at least you exist (sorry for begging though). Byeeee :D

11th March, 2025, Tuesday

I am BOREDDDD. Welp. On thursday I have a Greek test bruh, and then I have a English History test (I haven't even studied for that yet but let me cook). Anyways, I also have to act in a school play this year: we're doing Othello and I have to play Emilia (at least I don't have to sing, bc I would have DECOMPOSED if they asked to do so: let's just say my voice is not that pleasant, ok?). The play is actually so fckin short, which is good bc I have NO time to memorise all that stuff AND study. Haha. Haha. I'm in misery. So, luckily I already had a costume I can use for Emilia which is good bc I'm flat broke and I won't actually buy other useless stuff (except for expensive ass action figures: those are necessary for my well being). Fun fact! I'm probably the only person in my group who's ever been to a drama course, so I am afraid of the people I'll have to work with (probably we will get the "Haruhi performance at the Lobelia high school" kind of scenario lol, it would be both amusing and awkward af). Also, did you know that 03 is going to take part to the show? He's kinda been forced to though, because we needed 3 guys for the pay and in my class there are only 4 and one of them dodged the bullet by saying smth along the lines of: "Yeah, but I'm a PaCiFiSt so I don't want to impersonate anyone in an act that involves violence". It's 100% false, knowing the guy, but probably the teacher was entertained and decided to spare him. 03 isn't sucha humorous person, unfortunately, so now he has to play Othello even though he most likely has stage fright (I get him, during my first ever play I was a street vendor and had to shout at a mass of 50 people while being the most socially awkward kid in my group -help that was traumatic af-). I mean though, what happens if I fuck up, forget the line n the end, possibly start improvsing and he gets nervous or he just points out: "Hey, that's not what you're supposed to say >:(" (Idk, I think he might be kinda like that: he's always very strict and doesn't like evading too much from the schemes or readapting. I still have to see if he's intelligent, bc, tbh, good grades don't mean shit -or, at least, you can get good grades and be a complete idiot-). So this is the situation here: not that good, not corner-suicide bad :3 Byeeee!

28th March, 2025, Friday

Ok, fuck this shit I'm outta this life bro. Sorry for the happy beginning, but I feel AWFUL today: this has been a terrible ass stressing week bc some idiot fucks have decided that, since we're doing NNLC (National Night of Liceo Classico) and we'll be at SCHOOL, until MIDNIGHT on the 4th of April, we shouldn't go to class on Saturday; that'd be good if I didn't have to stay at school for 1 whole ass hour more than I should've been, so I'm EXHAUSTED and FRUSTRATED af. Plus, I've shouted for 2 days straight basically, so now I have sore throat fuck this. Oh, and I also ate an absurd amount of chips at lunch bc yeah I have no fucking time to actually eat healthy and bullshit so Imma just suffer in silence. I should probably go get Aulin, but sufference fuels my productivity or maybe not and I'm just a masochist I don't give glazed fuck idk. Anyways, I'm bored, I hate myself, I've met a Bangladeshi girl who's prolly being forced to marry her cousin and I have a Greek oral test next week. I wanna hit my head on the wall until it fucking cracks open dammit. Idk why, but in this period I've become quite hostile bruh. What the fuck ever. This sore throat is KILLING me istG -I can't scream, that's why I'm doing it via Internet-. I also have a fucking headache right now *ungodly screaming*. Anyways, I have to go swimming on Monday for PE. I fucking hate my PE teacher, man: I wanna shove a gun up her ass and shoot until a bullet comes out on the top of her head :3. Like, this bitch is stupid as fuck frfr, she just decides to line up the fucking lessons with the girls' periods by doing three lessons in the time of 4 weeks, so that, obviously, If you're on your period in the 1st week, you're gonna be even during the last lesson. I wouldn't give a single damn fucking grain of shit if she didn't automatically give a 4/10 or less to ppl who attend less than half the lessons. Plus, PE ACTUALLY IS A RELEVANT SUBJECT AS FOR GRADES VALUTATION. IstG, I have nothing against Gentile, but BITCH FUCK YOUR ASS WHY IN THE EVER LIVING SHIT DID YOU HAVE TO INTRODUCE PE AS A SIGNIFICANT SUBJECT AT SCHOOL IN THIS UNGODLY WORLD I HOPE THE PARTISANS GOT YOUR ASS AFTER FASCISM DAMN YOU DESERVED TO BE IN PIAZZALE LORETO WITH YOUR FUCKING DICTATOR YOU ASS. Sorry for the pure rage moment :D. Fuck you, Gentile. Damn fascist whore. After this quite intense entry -that's why I don't usually write journals: I'm not very coquette and aesthetic, bruh-, I have to salute you all. May you bathe in the blood of your enemies and drink from their skulls while you feast on the corpses of their murdered, dismembered heirs. Byeeee!

30th March, 2025, Sunday

Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. As you may see, I am in complete misery. Why? Because I got an 8-/10 in Grammar and I hate myself :3. You'll say I'm overdramatic, but I hate getting grades that are under my expectations and I feel like a walking trashcan at the moment: I don't really need validation from grades, I leave that shit to those dumb fucks posting study tips on socials. How I fucking hate those people IstG: they're al like "omg I'm getting straight A's with this incredible method -that, spoiler, doesn't fucking work you dipshits- and it's not hard at all, like look at all my grades and how nice they are". Bitch, if you think that studying with AI will change your life, then go for it, but it's going to teach you overused things that are utterly useless. Plus, idk what's wrong with these people: how are you such a dumb ass whore if you get such good grades? Is it because USA's educational system would pass anyone who knows where Washington DC is or that can measure how many glazed doughnuts their desk measures?? Idfk and Idfc (but mostly Idfk). So, I guess I'm useless and I'm a piece of shit, I'm childish and I should grow up and stop thinking only about myself, I should start focusing on my (nonexistent) objectives, I should start caring about others as much as I care about me because I'm a selfish fuck, I should stop insulting people because I'm actually angry at myself and I should become a "better person". But what the fuck does that even mean??? How the shit can I become a "better person" if I stop just existing? I literally have to take care of myself and I should try to understand others as well?! Wtf, man, I am not rlly good at, y'know, empathy, but I feel like an insensible shit every time I stop caring abt others to focus on myself. Because, the truth is that I know why I'm doing some things, I know the reason behind my general sadness and lazyness, but knowing the cause of smth doesn't fucking help beating the crap out of it and sending that fuckery away from my head. And I'm also afraid of being normal. I want to do something in life, but, like, somthing important, becuase what do I even do if I don't do something memorable? Being normal is already being a failure, I have to be more than normal. I MUST be more than normal. That's actually a very unhealthy thought. I'd like to just cut it with all this. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I'm just existing. I envy a lot people who actually like studting, because at least they enjoy what they'r edoign and they're even doing something "useful". Sometimes, I wish my mother had a better daughter: someone who enjoys her life and that doesn't make her feel like she's torturing her when she has to study or smth. She deserves it, I probably shouldn't be here anyways: the world is not made for me, because I have no place in it. Even though the idea of having a place on Earth scares me an I despise it. I'll just go now, thanks for reading this if you are. Byeeeee!

Linksiesss again <3

Diary of an overdramatic teenager (bear with me, pls)