Diary of an overdramatic teenager 2 (bear with me, pls) ...
20th September, 2025, Saturday
Hello, everyone: I'm Jar and I've just had the worst week of my life (probably)! :D I'm in the 2nd year of highschool and I live in Italy. Usually, in highschool, we go to school every day except for Sunday and it's actually pretty decent (we have 5h of school a day, sometimes even less). This year, though, an idiot fucker decided we could just go to school for 6h and stay at home on Saturday morning. Now, this is bullshit: I can barely move with a backpack that weights more than me since we have 5 or 6 different subjects a day, we barely have a second break (it lasts 5 GODDAMN MINUTES: what am I gonna do in 5 fucking minutes?!) and I come home at 3pm (I have to have FUCKING LUNCH at 3PM). Anyways, let's get to other main events: I've been dress coded by my PE teacher, but dress code doen't even EXIST in my school lmfao (it was literally some "YoUr BrA sTrAp Is ShOwInG" kinda shit. Like, who tf cares???). This is not all that happened in my first week of school, but these are the bad highlights :). On a better note, my Literature teacher is actually starting to be way more considerate than last year and I'm really enjoying our work together! Bye for now! :D
29th September, 2025, Monday
I fucking hate Mondays smm ughh. I'm nervous abt a Latin test I have this week bc idk exactly what to expect since I literally have no idea of how hard that damn stuff is gonna be to translateeee. Like, this is my sencond year of highschool, so I should know, but now we have a new Latin teacher that is WAY stricter than our previous one, so I'm living in TERROR. Also, I have sm homework omlll: is this what highschool is like? Just endless suffering??? Idk. Tbh, I don't even know what I want from Life in general: the only thing I genuinely enjoy is making art, but I couldn't make a living out of it, I think. I mean, everyone seems to have already found a place in Life or a career path or what the fuck ever. And then there's me, who doesn't even know what to eat for dinner tonight (I actually don't know tho-). And I feel like I should already know what I wanna do. Be brilliant and smart and good at everything, since, appearently, this is the general impression people have of me lol. I think I'll figure it out sooner or gooner. Later, I meant later. (Btw, I've finished the first manga of Goodnight PunPun and it's SO GOOD: I can't wait to get the second volume :D). Byeeee!
18th October, 2025, Saturday
Heyy, I'm finally back! These days I'm feeling empty and drained, like there's nothing left to do but to live a plain and boring life, without a hope or a passion or anything. I feel like society in general is oppressing my freedom of expressing myself and just simply living. Honestly, I'm even doubting that I'll ever be important to anyone I know, too. I feel like I'm always the last choice, the second hand friend. At frist, I thought high school would be different from whatever the fuck middle and primary school were, but I was probably wrong. I've noticed that people just find me interesting for a limited period of time, then I just become a side character in their lives: they feel like they've already gotten out of me what they needed, so they can just move on and consider me shallowly. Maybe I too do that to others without noticing. But I never thought of just leaving someone behind walking on the very corner of the road while being in a friend group, I always said goodbye to everyone when they had to go home and I never invited someone out last minute, while telling others days or weeks before. Maybe it's just a lack of manners, but this type o fthings should come naturally to you when you care about someone. Right? So, brief summary of my days lately: school is making me feel empty and stressed, I'm afraid of losing all of my friends because they got tired of me and lots of people are dying in these days. Somehow. Hope you're doing better than me, bye!
14th November, 2025, Friday
Haha motherfuckers! I'M ALMOST DONE WITH MY TESTSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! WAR IS OVERRRRRRR!!! Sorry for the emphasis on the fact that I CAN FUCKING EXIST AGAIN w/o being stressed and shit, but FINALLYY! Now, back to the important subject: my friend recommended me to start listening to Gorillaz and OMFG THEY'RE SO GOOD. I'll go to their concert with my friend in Summer it's gonna be so cool we're gonna have lotsa funnn! On a sadder note, there's a SOAD concert in Milan in Summer, too, BUT THE TICKETS ARE ALREADY SOLD OUT IMMA CRY. My dad lowk told me he'll see if he can find them somewhere else but yeah, that's probably not gonna happen. But at least he tried, so we appreciate the effort lol. Oh, and I love my friends sm guyss! They're just sosososo much nicer than my middle school ones: I've kinda stopped listening to my mother, who says I shouldn't trust anyone, and started to actually put hope in people and I fell so happy about life. Maybe I don't know what I'll become in the future, but I'm surely going to do something that I enjoy! I shouldn't worry about making excellent perfect choices NOW for my FUTURE self: after all, I can always go back, even though it might be hard sometimes :). After all, Serj Tankian only started SOAD at 25 or smth. Leaving you what he said in an interview here, bc this fucking changed my perspective on life lowk: "I was very lost. I was playing music at home, but I didn't have a band, I didn't have any connection, and my vision hadn't interpreted that this was my future yet. I was like, probably 22, 23 when I was really, when I discovered it... I was driving home, I had a Jeep Wrangler, I remember it was raining, very dramatic, and I really, I always say I have to go to the far reaches of who I don't wanna be to admit to myself who I really am. And I was in my car, and I literally stopped, and I just go, "I want to fuckin' do music. This is bullshit. I don't want to do all this shit." And that was the day that changed my life. From then on, anything I did was with the idea that I'm going on this path, and I gotta do whatever I gotta do to be on this path." DAMN BEAUTIFUL! Gotta go now, byeee!
30th November, 2025, Sunday
Gluten tag to y'all! I'm in mild despair :D. Jk, I'm fine. No tf I'm not I have T E S T S in the next weeks. But, like MANY tests. Oh well, life's hard etc. etc. Back to important things, I want to get a bass so baddd. I've always loved bass as an instrument, but the idea of actually playing it had never occurred to me before a friend of mine suggested we started a band, which is actually a crazy good idea! I'm well and I think this is a really nice feeling after all: finally, I actually enjoy living :). Also, I definitely have to draw more at the moment: it's quite relaxing and I wanna experiment with lots of new styles. Gotta go now, byee!
6th December 2025, Saturday
The Judgement Week is coming, and by that I mean that next week I have like 5 tests. I'm so fucked lol. Anyways, I'm doing pretty well and I'm procrastinating like crazy. On everything. Yupp. I'm kinda happy that my site almost reached 5000 views, though: I put kind of a lot of effort into this. I love learning new things and doing this stuff: it's been a long journey from my first ever site to this, but I think it was totally worth it to spend my time on this! I don't really have much to say tbh, apart from the fact that I'm exhausted etc. etc. It's probably pretty boring to read all of this that's basically just me yapping about school and pressure and overwhelming stuff, not to mention that it's all written in really crappy English, but still-. Oh, I actually do have smth to tell you: I'm going on a 3 day holiday during Christmas break! I'm pretty skeptical abt this avaction though: it's kinda like a student trip (not with my class, but with a couple of kinda-close friends and a bunch of teens I've never met) and we're going in a random town in Abruzzo that basically just has a monastery and a 3 star hotel. And I kinda got scammed bc my freinds told me it wasn't a religious thing (I don't really like church trips and I don't believe in the authority of clerical institutions, even though I'm christian - and technically also catholic?), but now I'm starting to suspect it kinda is, idk. It's not that I didn't suspect it before, since it was pretty clear that some religious-related people were involved in it (like my middle school RE teacher. He wasn't really catholic though. Or, at least, I don't think so?), but now I've been informed there is a Sunday function and other stuff. I don't really mind going to church: I just hope nobody starts singing group songs while we're on the bus (it's always been annoying for me, as a silence and earphones enjoyer). Idk, I just find community religious organisations kinda forced and cult-like (not in a bad way, it's just that I don't like communities that are all about either religion or ideologies: it feels kinda constrictive to be in a place where only one line of thought is able to develop, while the group isn't a fertile soil for other opinions or doubts. Not all communities are like that, but I'm kinda suspicious of anything that seems similar to that. That's just my opinion though). Oh well, I'll let you know how it goes and if I actually have fun (maybe), byeee!
7th December 2025, Sunday
Hullo! Wow, this is the first time I write for 2 days in a row. Crazy. Anyways, I'm bored and I still have to study for lots of tests. Better get to wor- FUCK NO! Oh, well. I guess I do live up to my username after all... I wanted to start studying rn, but my cat took my study spot, so I guess Fate has decided that I'll do everything tomorrow :D. Jk, I'll just get to work later. Who tf cares lol. Sooo, today it's Cicero fucking dies day! Yeah, my Latin teacher just sent us a message on Classroom to tell us this (then he casually forgets to give hw and grade our tests, but Cicero is more important TuT). And that's it for today: nothing new haha (I've almost learnt Aerials by SOAD on ukulele, though. Real achievements, ik ik...). Byeee!
11th December 2025, Thursday
Hey, how y'all doing? (Oh, yeah, I love it when I start talking to an imaginary crowd: very mentally sane-). So, I feel like shit :D. Lovely. Idk, it's just boring to live rn: I need something new, something opening idk. I just feel an existential void or smth: things are always the same, thoughts are repeating. I can't think of anything I haven't thought before. I can't find neither answers nor new questions. It's just a loophole of feelings, days running nameless down calendars. It's always just the same, over and over again. The only way I can find comfort is when I listen to music and make art. When I'm studying, though, I feel the repetitiveness of life that starts getting even worse: it's, y'know, anguishing (I think that's the term?). I don't even have time to discover smething new. Or, better, even if I did have time, school doesn't help me do so and neither does my mother by putting a GPS that tracks my everymove on me (dear Life360 developers, I hope you are eaten alive by regret and guilt for creating such a monstruosity of a fucking app and consequently ruining people's relationships. With all due respect -which is none btw- GO FUCK YOURSELVES). Also, my mom was mad at me bc I got a B in maths, while I was literally sick when doing the test bruh (should've gotten a B- in the written test, but I got an A+ in the oral part. Unfortunately, our teacher thought it was a fucking good idea to valutate the written part more than the oral, so ig most of the class won't really get a sufficient grade. Ngl, she's kind of an asshole but also a nice person sometimes idk). Anyways, hope you're doing well, byee!
14th December 2025, Sunday
Hey, just writing this entry bc I found ukulele chords for Peace and Love on the Planet Earth (yeah, the song from Steven Universe) and I'm having a mental breakdown bc the post where I found the chords was from 2016 and now I feel old: like HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT 2016 WAS 9 YEARS AGO?! Ok, nostalgia hit me where it hurts fr T-T. Do you remember that post where someone said "we all died in 2022 and this is Hell"? Yeah, he was right ngl. Byee!
24th December 2025, Wednesday
I HAVE ACHIEVED A BASS GUYSSSSS!!!!!! I luv my bass he's so cute his name is Iulius 💖
7th January 2026, Wednesday
Fuck my life, guys. This new year is shit bruh. Started well with my mother being mad at me for getting only 80% on a test that was fucking supposed to be difficult and telling me "my grades are dropping": yeah, because obviously if I'm not fucking perfect every single godforsaken shitty time then I'm a useless failure. Thanks, mom: always fucking helpful. And I have like 5 tests next week. Imma jump off of a cliff. But the fucking worst thing about this whole crap is that my mom can't stop comparing me to this guy in my class who only gets good grades. Now, the sweet thing is that I don't give a single dry shitfuckery about this, BUT it's a damn pain in the ass to hear your MOTHER always tell you "How much did he get, huh?" "Why did you get less than him?" "Oh, you got a 95%? What did you do wrong? Did you get more than him?". FUCKING ADOPT HIM IF YOU LIKE HIM THAT MUCH, IDK. Ok, she's always loved comparing me to other people, but the worst thing is that she doesn't realize that she's doing EXACTLY what her mother did to her and that ruined her life and this cycle will ocntinue until someone stops it. And that someone will be me: fuck, I don't want to be a mother if there's even just a 0.01% chance of me ruining someone's life and bringing them on the verge of a complete mental breakdown! Oh well, that's my mother's side of the family in pills. Send help :D (and sorry for all the cursing lol. I'm quite convinced that, at this point, my life is just a rage bait from God T_T)
29th January 2026, Thursday
Hello everyone! I'm back and my exams are finished (also, I feel way better in general now). I just reread my last entry and I did NOT remember being this enraged lol. Also, my mom's a bit more "chill" now (she's still the same as always, but at least now I'm not stressed af and can handle her better haha). So, some stuff happened in these last few days: I've started learning guitar (now I can play some stuff -mostly chords-, but I'm not that good: I can play an almost decent barre F chord though :D) and I went to a comic con (it was cool but crowded asf! I've been there last year too, but I remember it wasn't that full of people. I bought a big D20 though: it's pretty cool, my friends and I could use it for DnD campaigns!). Also, my teacher decided that two of my classmates and I should try to get a Latin certification (I think it's like Certamen or smth? Idk. I heard you can also win money by doing this, so I'm totally gonna do it lol). And that's it for now, I'll keep you posted, byeee!! :]
30th January 2026, Friday
Guten tag everybody, how are you doing?? I'm not doing well, but I'm not miserable, so I'm fine ig lol. Lately, I've found myself questioning my friendship with a couple of people :/. I'll give y'all a brief recap: basically, these friends are good people (?), but they're lowk idiots. Now, I don't mean to offend them by saying this, but they just fail to understand how not to make others feel "left out". Let's take an example of smth that happened this week: a guy in my class invited me and my friends to his place this Saturday, but he told one of us, that we'll call B, and then asked B to invite all of us on his behalf (idk why tbh: it would've been easier to tell this to all of us together, but whatevs): the next day, my friends start talking about this party/dinner and I just stand there like "???", since nobody has told me I was invited too; yesterday, I ask my friends more info about this party (which I still wasn't sure I was invited to btw T-T) and one of them that we'll call S says: "Yeah, well, you've been invited to his place too, but idk I don't think we're going there anyways: it seems kinda boring, we're going to X's (another friend) place instead". After she tells me this, I just stand there with a blank expression on my face, becuse WHAT THE FUCK??? Ok, I admit that I tend to overreact but this is actually serious: I had no idea what the shit this girl was talking about and I kinda found it disrespectful to just ditch the guy and basically just go out without him. But then again I didn't fully understand WHAT was going on yet, since S said she wasn't sure about what she was saying either. And now, finally, it's FRIDAY: ONE (1) day before this damn party/whatever. I wanted to go to this guy's place bc I kinda felt guilty that all of my friends were lowk just acting like assholes, so I talk to X, who's my closest friend, abt the situation; she's pretty confused as well and doesn't really know what the plans for Saturday are; I tell her that I don't think it's nice to just ditch the poor guy the exact day before the party and she agrees, but she's also unsure abt the whole situation and doesn't give me a clear answer. Now, after all of this, I approach the guy who invited us (indirectly), while he's walking home with B and I ask him about the party. And do you know what he tells me?? He says: "Oh, B told me y'll weren't coming". WHAT. THE. FUCK. So, this girl declined the invite ON THE BEHALF OF EVERYONE and WITHOUT TELLING ME. I was flabbergasted, shocked, on the verge of insanity. Like, THE DAMN AUDACITY. Look, I'm usually very understanding and calm, so I don't usually get mad at them. BUT THIS, THIS IS TESTING MY PATIENCE. And it isn't because of the fact that she made me look like a complete idiot because of her own incompetence and unreliability, no! It's because she wanted to fucking leave this guy almost alone just because these assholes thought "it would've been boring". I am quite sensible to this kind of things, since I've passed 5 years of my life without friends and I think I've only hung out with my classmates like 4 times in my 3 years of middle school: I've always been left out and now I do not want this shit to happen to others, because it fucking sucks to wake up on your birthday and see no messages, even from the people you thought were your friends, or to sit alone during breaks while everyone else is chatting, or to always have to walk on the side of the road while chatting with others, so that you won't be left out... Y'know, once one of my classmates (who was my friend at the time, but then we stopped talking to eachother but I don't remember why) invited me to her birthday. When I arrived to her place, she told me I was the only one who actually showed up. That will never happen again. Is it really worth it to make somebody feel this way just because "they're boring"? [Sorry for the rant, bye!]
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