1. Love and detachment
I hung out with my friends tonight and I felt completely empty, like I had been deprived of any single grain of personality. I am not a particularly sociable person, you see, but this time it was worse than just a regular yeah, didn't talk much but whatever": I genuinely felt like I didn't belong there. So, let me just explain what happened, I'm kinda not in the best mental state to be telling you shit, but oh well. Me and some friends went out and ate dinner together:everything was fine, we were just doing some stupid small talk, it was pretty clear we just didn't have anything to say to eachother; I mean, I don't like when this shit happens because I feel like I'm playing a cheap ass dating sim, but it could be worse. After eating, we went to this bar and some guys were playing music. My friends met a bunch of people they knew and everything got kinda confusing for me (since I live in another city, I only knew these people because was told about them somewhere). I just basically stood in a corner, kinda near to a friend or the other, in a state of semi-dissociation. It was one of the most horrible things I've ever felt: it brought me back to my worst moments of solitude caused by my own avoidant personality. But, apart from that, I want to talk about something less unpleasant. That night, my friend A told me to look at the moon and that it was beautiful. I did look at the moon, but then, when I lowered my head I saw her still looking up and smiling. That moment, that picture is worth more than any moon of any century in any place; when I looked at her, I saw it in her eyes, the most beautiful moon one could ever see. I don't mean this in a romantic way, though: I love my friend as I love going out and dancing in a deserted street in the countryside or as I love listening to my favourite song. Romance isn't like that and I've never been drawn to that aspect of a relationship to be honest. I'm sorry if my words are failing at describing anything at the moment, but I'm really not in the condition to write decently since it's late and I am currently being devastated by this fucking heat (it's like what? 35C?!).